Tie Me To The Mast / The Great Egyptian Gravitational Experiment

Around 2000 BC during the great battles between Egypt and Assyria, there was a bouquet of visionary Egyptian Pharaohs that sat sail for the North Pole, up there there's no centrifugal force from the spinning earth counteracting with gravity, making the gravitational pull the very strongest on Earth. The Pharaohs needed the additional gravity in their attempts to breed a full army of combat Colibris; the problem they constantly ran into at home was the Colibri’s body only weighs about 3 grams which lead to the birds would be very hard to control in large groups, so the Pharaohs hoped the profound gravitation would add some dependability to the birds hectic movement patterns.

The reason for picking Colibris was their excessive appetite for several arts of Assyrian soft bodied insects, insects that at that time was the very bottom and foundering link in the Assyrian food chain but didn’t even exist in the Egyptian Eco System. So, without these insects the whole Assyrian food chain would collapse and the proud country of Assyria would die.

So they brought 700.000 Colibris and even more Assyrian insects with them in the greatest formation of ships ever to set sail from the sun drenched coast of Egypt. In the beginning their northern pilgrimage went well. But what they never thought of was the stronger gravity’s impact on the insects, so only about 2500 nautical miles from their final destination almost every single insect had died, which in relationship with the extremely cold weather lead to all the birds starving or freezing to death within the next few days. The nomadic bouquet of Pharaohs’ got very aggravated and disappointed over sailing so far for nothing. Or so they thought...

On their way back things got even worse when they ran out of food just a few days away from the frost bitten coastline of the North Pole. And just when they lost all possible hope, the Pharaohs decided they had no choice but to eat the dead insects and frozen hummingbirds, it was either that or death. This was when the magic happened, the combination of Assyrian soft bodied insects mixed with frozen Egyptian Colibris in direct combination with the excessive gravitational force would prove to be the faultless formula for bringing the Pharaohs supernatural powers.

Back then the Egyptians believed Planet Earth to be shaped like an egg, and the North Pole was the top, so when the Pharaohs got back home they instantly built the pyramids in hope to recreate a place that possessed the same gravitational powers as the North Pole, so the future generations could gain the same supernatural powers. However, after 80 years the pyramids was finished but since they are built so close to the equator they have very low gravity compared to the North Pole.

This was a failure of biblical proportions, and during a candle lit blood drinking ritual in the darkest of forbidden rooms beneath the Sphinx they swore never to tell anyone about this failure, after the ceremony was finished they went on a barbarian killing spree that ended the life of every single living soul that knew about this whole bizarre gravitational experiment. And to this day this still is a very sensitive hidden part of history...